A little over 5 years ago my world was a total wreck! Years of struggling with sin and losing compounded into a roller coaster of high and lows. I had reached the ultimate low or what may be called “rock bottom”. I had made choices over the first 15 years of my marriage that led to some devastating consequences for me, my wife and my family. I was caught.....but then decided that I had no where else to go but to come fully clean with all that I had done over the past 37 years of my life. I ached to be fully known for so long but the shame and condemnation I felt smothered my desire to be known.
I didn't care anymore
I had nothing else to lose because I thought I had already lost it all
My heart yearned to be set free
My choices got me there but I finally realized I wasn't going to get me out this time
MY HOPE WAS ALL BUT COMPLETELY GONE!
Have you ever been there? Or maybe you are there right now. Things are pressing in from all sides.
You just found illicit sites in the browser history....
You see a chat or text that isn't apporpriate....
Your spouse has been having an affair on a business trip...
Your marriage doesn't have the spark that it used too....
Someone at work or the gym catches your eye a little too long...
You have found yourself being discovered cheating.....
The storm in your life just kicked up to hurricane force winds and chaos rips through with devastating force. The one question I asked myself was “HOW DID I GET HERE?” It doesn't happen all at once. I didn't wake up one day and decide to toss a bomb into my marriage. I made a series of small compromises along the way that led to a devastating outcome.
I chose to be selfish instead of selfless
I chose to be careless instead of careful
I chose to stretch the truth instead being a truth teller.
I compartmentalized my heart instead of choosing complete integrity.
In the midst of all my mess and hopelessness I found something that was significant. God was still there. He loved me even when I felt unloveable. He chose to pick me up even when I felt undeserving. I had to reach for Him but I didn't have to reach very far........I had to decide that the pain of staying in the same place was greater than the pain of changing. Surrendering everything to HIM was the only option that seemed to make sense.
After making that choice did my life just fall back into place?...absolutely not. God's rebuilding process is long and thorough. In fact I am still in process 5 years later. There is one moment though that has a special place in my heart that God reminds me of often. It was only a few days after my infidelity had come to light. I was separated from my wife and kids, but still coming to work at my shop on our property. My best friend worked for me at the time and his wife stopped by to see him one morning. His wife was and is still Andrea's closest friend. They had walked through so much with us over the years. As any best friend would do she was a champion for Andrea who had been hurt by me countless times. I was a wreck not knowing what was going to happen to my marriage, my family, my business. It all seemed lost. MY HOPE WAS GONE!!!
As she walked into the shop she walked directly over to me. In my mind I was ready for a tongue lashing. That is what I deserved for the chaos and despair I had caused. Instead she walked up to me and asked how I was doing? I immediately fell apart in tears. She immediately stepped up and embraced me in a hug that I will never forget. The she said these words: “This is not the end. There is hope” I had destroyed her best friend, wounded her to no end, but yet she chose to love like Christ. She chose to be a dose of HOPE when all HOPE seemed lost.
That moment has been seared into my memory forever. I am sure she probably has forgotten about that moment but it made me feel like there was still hope. Sometimes that is all you need to get through the next minute, hour or day when all else is crashing down around you.
In 2015 we started a ministry for couples who's marriages have been devastated by sexual sin and pornography. Not an easy topic for sure, but such a rampant problem. Our goal is to provide a dose of HOPE during the darkest parts of their lives. When all else seems lost....we can say “look where we were and God still showed up.” We want to be the friend that steps in and gives the hug to say it's not over. God can still does a work in your life and marriage. You are never too far gone!
HE WANTS TO REBUILD, RENEW, And RESTORE YOU!